The Awful Truth about Slashfics
by The Awful Truth
Summary: I try my hand at a yaoific. Kyo and Iori. In my conceited opinion, this is everything a yaoi fic should be. And if you disagree, I'll call you "Close minded."


Kyo gazed deep into Iori's eyes, his gaze penetrating into the twisted soul that he'd seen so many times before. Iori stared back. The two men knew each other's souls so well that, were souls able to appear on lineups, they could definitely single them out from the others. That one, officer… third from the left… with the burning rage deep within its twisted mire.

Silence reigned like a powerful tyrant, until Kyo deposed it with some usurper words:

"So. It comes to this."

"Again." Said Iori, his manner obstinate.

"Right. It comes to this, _again_."

"I believe this is the 40th time." Said Iori, still as serious as a rock if a rock could be serious and not, well, all rocklike.

"No, no, I'm pretty sure it's the 41st."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, because the one where I flung you into that trashcan and you ended up damaging a trash compactor was the 39th, and the one where you used my head to open up a fire hydrant was the 40th."

"Oh yeah."

"Still, it is a milestone in our now legendary attempts to kill each other."

"No, I'm trying to kill you. You're always trying to avoid killing me."

"Well, true…"

"Pantywaist."

"Look who's talking, bondage boy." Kyo motioned towards the strip of leather that connected Iori's pant legs together. "What the hell is up with that thing, anyway? I mean, don't you trip a lot?"

"I think it looks stylish."

There was silence again.

"Nice jacket."

"Thanks."

Silence crawled back onto its throne, broken and bruised, only to be knocked off of it again so that it fell, screaming, towards the sharp rocks of conversation. However, by its own nature, said screams killed it long before it hit bottom.

"Now, Kyo." Growled Iori. "Now is the time that I finally seal your fate."

"You shall never defeat me, Iori. For virtue and determination are in my heart."

"What, the same virtue and determination that has kept you in high school until the age of _26_, you lazy bastard?"

"Hey! We agreed last time that we wouldn't get into that anymore!"

"I'm _worried_ about you, man. You need to take a test or something and get out, get a proper job. I understand Bogard can help you get into the construction business."

"Hey, you leave Terry out of this! This is _our_ fight!"

"Oh, yes. Sorry. Now then, Kyo. I have waited a long time for this moment. Rage fills my every pore. I feel rage… and… and something else."

"Huh?"

"Well… it's like this, K. We've sort've been fighting for so long that, to tell you the truth, I see more of you than I ever see of anyone else."

"…What are you saying, Iori?"

"I'm… kind of lonely."

"Nonsense. What about those hot girls I saw you swinging around with? Sin and Adult, ,right?"

"That's Vice and Mature. And I kind of tore them apart while in the middle of one of my little tantrums and left them dying in puddles of their own blood."

"That time of month, eh?"

"Hey, shut up! I'm just saying that… Kyo, it's sort've nice to see you, even if it is to kill you."

"……"

"Kyo?"

"Oh, sorry, Iori. I was just thinking… yes, yes, it's kind of comforting to know that I'll be facing you at some point. Your flames attempting to melt my eyeballs… your fists breaking my ribs… such thoughts keep me warm at night."

"Kyo… I… I don't know how to say this…"

"Oh, no, Iori. I can see where this is going."

"But… but you seem so…"

"Seem _nothing_. In case you haven't noticed, I've _got_ a girlfriend!"

"Who? Yuki or Benimaru?"

"Ha Ha, asshole. Benimaru may enter more fashion shows than tournaments, but he's not gay. He simply has no brain."

"I don't see you doing much with Yuki, either. And you're always hanging with that Shingo…"

"You leave Shingo out of this! Besides, he's just some kid who wants me to teach him how to kick ass!"

"_Kick_ ass, Kyo?"

"Dammit, Iori! I _hate_ it when you get like this!"

"Oh, like you're Mr. Perfect? Do you know how awful it was when you stood me up for that one fight?"

"I told you. I had to save the world again."

"Oh, it's always the _world_. It's always so much more important than me. I'm only your _psychotic archnemesis_. I even had a special move capable of vaporizing concrete all ready for the occasion!"

"Oh, Iori… I'm so sorry… I had no idea."

"No, you didn't. You're so… so _insensitive!_"

The great warrior that was Iori Yagami fell to his knees. Tears bedewed his cheeks, cheeks that had usually only been speckled with blood.

Kyo was at a loss. He _had_ come to consider his enemy a strange sort of friend, and seeing him in this kind of pain, as opposed to the pain that Kyo usually inflicted upon him, was very unnerving. He took a hesitant step forward, and finally crossed all the way over to where Iori knelt.

"Iori… it'll be alright." Kyo placed a hand on Iori's shoulder.

"*Sniff* I guess… I guess you're right." Iori clasped his hand over Kyo's.

And then they had hot mansex.


End file.
